And now they brought out the big guns: Charlotte Crosby! You know! Charlotte Crosby! You’ve all heard of her, right? She’s from Geordie Shore, which is the English version of Jersey Shore, which is…a show.
Charlotte quickly distinguished herself by becoming the first cast member to say the title of the show, as she chickened out of the first challenge: bungee jumping to camp. It was strong evidence for the proposition that the English are more cowardly than Australians, but you can understand why Charlotte decided it was best not to jump: it meant she had to walk the long way to camp, which meant a few blissful hours not spent in the company of Ryan Gallagher.
Who is Ryan Gallagher? Why, he’s the next contestant, and he was on Married At First Sight, the popular show about people not getting married at first sight. These days, Ryan assures us, he does comedy, but he’s so modest about it that while on the show he has clearly vowed to never say a single funny thing. Ryan did take the plunge out of the helicopter, and made it safely to earth, which may end up a blessing or a curse.
The aforementioned five made up the first group to arrive in the jungle. The second group kicked off with Rhonda Burchmore, the musical theatre star famous for her long legs and slightly less long career.
Rhonda is a bona fide celebrity, so nobody can argue with her inclusion on the show. To balance this out, she was followed by three women who in a certain light may look vaguely familiar to some people.
First, Nikki Osborne, who is a comedian. Next, Erin Barnett, who you may remember from Love Island, but you won’t because you didn’t watch it. And then Tanya Hennessy, who is a “social media sensation”, which only a very uncharitable person would suggest is a synonym for “unemployable”. Tanya introduced herself to the group by walking straight up and groping Erin, to prove that she’s a friendly down to earth molester.
The second group was rounded out by Dilruk Jayasinha, an actual Logie winner who frankly is slumming it here.
The second group, instead of jumping out of a helicopter, began their adventure by being exposed to various terrifying animals: snakes, scorpions, rats and a porcupine which was actually pretty cute. Then all 10 met up at camp, where they engaged in what has always been the main activity of the show: discussing the toilet.
It’s early days of course, but at this stage we can definitely say that the frontrunner to take out the title is Myf, the frontrunner to run away home in tears is Charlotte, and the frontrunner to be smothered in their sleep by fellow contestants is a dead heat between Ryan and Tanya. Can’t wait!